all i see is fireworks ..

i wonder what it would be like to lose everything in the blink of an eye. one of my biggest fears is one of my parents dying in a car crash on their way home from work, or getting shot at random because some random person decided that everything i am and everything i've worked for mean nothing. and this one seems shallow, but i get soo scared that one day i'll wake up ugly. it sounds stupid, but i can't imagine living my life ugly. the thought FRIGHTENS me. that's drastic, whether or not you want to believe it. and this week in particular i've been looking rather hideous, and it's really making me nervous. i'm hoping it's just something that came and will pass.. quickly. i can't function like this. i'm literally standing at the edge of sanity, and i'm more than positive that becoming ugly would drive me straight over that edge.

(google images)